Dec. 23,2015

Delhi India



Sometimes in life it feels like you don’t have any dreams, any aspirations, any emotions, the adrenaline to do something. You just feel so useless, so worthless that it feels like the world would be a better place without you. Everyone around you will be happy without you. You are in so much pain without any blood dripping down from your body… It feels like a time bomb is ticking inside of you… And soon its gonna explode like.. Boom!!.. And you want it to explode.. You want it to burn you with it. Then everything will be fine, in peace, people will be happier.. This is how I feel everyday.

As I am in my way to my brother’s best friend’s birthday party, I am thinking how I am going to go inside without anyone acknowledging me. It’s my brother’s last day in town. He is going to college tomorrow. And he should be packing right now. But no, he is enjoying and probably drinking like crazy there. I dont belong in that party. If anyone notices me, first of, my brother will be embarrassed out of his mind… Let’s just hope I get to be successfully invisible, like every second in my life.Because I have to take my drunk brother home.. Or mum would be so mad.

I arrive at the party.. It’s a big house, I see only cars or jeeps everywhere.. I am scared.. It’s the first time I have been out alone after 9 o’ clock in the night. As a child I used to play till late night but things aren’t childish anymore, it’s difficult now. So, as I park my little scooter to the side of the house,I hear music blaring from the speakers. But crap! the front door is closed. I don’t want to ring the bell so I look around to see if there is any other way in. I go to the side of the lawn there is a bigger garden here. I feel a little hot as I am wearing a full sleeve sweater. I move ahead and see lights coming from the kitchen door.. So it’s a bigger house than I imagined it to be. As I am about to move towards the door I hear yelling noises from my left and what I see next.. I can’t quite put it together. There’s a man standing on the cemented center part of the grass,and he is beating a figure sprawled on the grass, looks like a boy about my age.

He is beating him senseless with his leg. I am shocked. I move a little closer, shaking senseless,then hide behind a tree. The man is saying, “This is what boys like you deserve, you want more bear. No!! You deserve this”, then he kicked him again. The boy is just sprawled there like it’s nothing. I am terrified for him. The man looks drunk, if I don’t do anything he looks like he might kill him. I suddenly remember all the pain… My mind blocks itself… I relive all the pain and pressure in that moment. This boy is like me in a way, the way he is sprawled there in the grass like he doesn’t care anymore. I relate to him. It takes all the strength of my insides for me to move forward and say..”. Hey!!!.. Stop?!..” the man suddenly looks alarmed. ” Who the fuck are you, bitch!!??.. Aarav? .. Is she one of your many whores.. U idiot..”? He says. “No, I am just here to inform you that a woman is looking for you inside the party, she told me to find you and give you this message” I say.. And I am shaking even more as now I know this boy’s name.. Because I know him. But gladly he don’t know me and I am sure about that. The man looks satisfied by my answer. “oh!.. Fuck!.. Aarti must be looking for me..” he barely put his words together, he is so drunk. He leaves the boy and starts to go,then suddenly stops looks at me and asks.. “hey.. U are coach Ravish’s daughter right?”.. “yes”.. I say. Then he goes inside the house through the kitchen door and I release my breath that I have been holding since.. Like forever.

I am sprawled in the grass. I can see red blood on my palms,on my tea shirt… But I feel no pain.. Its like this physical pain is nothing compared to so much fucking mental pain.. that my so called father has given me my whole life. I don’t feel anything anymore… Beat me,
strangle me to death, I don’t care, it’s nothing for me… Life is nothing for me.
Upto about 5 minute I was getting my ass beat up by my fucking father.. .. I had nothing in my mind.. I was just hoping he would beat me to death this time.. Up until I heard this extremely thin voice of this girl, who saved my life as I should say. But I don’t feel thankful at all. I am just shocked that someone would do something like that. Most people would have been scared shitless. But this girl.. As I somehow turn my head to take a look at her….she is a thin,small about 5.3 or something. She looks so different, almost from a different planet. Her whole skin is covered completely except her face. .. She showed some balls to speak up against my father. My head is spinning, I can’t get up.. I don’t like being helpless.. I don’t like when someone helps me.. Because I don’t want to owe them anything. I hope this girl doesn’t think that way. I look at her.. She looks scared.. And pale.. White like a vampire in those movies. She is fidgeting with the chain of her jacket. She finally looks at me and holds my stare. I can’t quite make out the color of her eyes.. They look grey.. I have never seen eyes like these staring at me right now. She finally speaks up in a low voice” ugh.. Do you need help getting up? ” I don’t like asking people for help… I have no choice..” Yea”.. I reply. She moves forward and bends a little to give her hand out to me for help. I take her hand.. I feel pain everywhere now.. Its like my bones are cracking.. I can’t walk without support… I think the girl understands that.. As she places one arm around me and helps me walk. “Do you want to go inside?”.. She asks. “no, just take… me to the storeroom besides the fountain”.. I say. “oo.. Ok”.. She says. She walks me to the storeroom.. There’s a sofa inside it.. She helps me.. Sit in it.


She is looking at me with a worried and scared expression on her face. “You need hospital”..she says. “No,I am okay”.. I say. “Can I get you ice and first aid box.. At least?”.. She asks. Who is this girl?.. “yea.. Its in the drawer on your left”. She is standing one feet away from me. She looks to her left.. And take  out the first aid from the drawer and hands it to me. “Thankyou”.. I say…As she hands me the box our fingers touch a little.. She snaches her hand away quickly. “um.. Why did you help me.?” . I ask.. She is literally shaking right now. It’s like she is lost in her thoughts.. I have the urge to go and shake her and tell her everything is alright. She finally meets my eyes and she says.. “I relate with you”. Then she goes out of the storeroom. And in my head I know I am never going to meet this girl again. But it’s for the best because no one deserves someone so.. Broke.. And a freak like me.


IT’s a little dark i know…but if you liked it stay tuned for chapter 2….